My Paisley Chair

Today, on my 49^th anniversary, I am feeling particularly reflective and grateful. Yes, and over the top sappy! I am aware that I am blessed way beyond what I could have imagined. Not to mention completely outside the realm of what I deserve. We married young! Some have said, “Yes but you probably very mature.” Thanks for the thought, but there’s no truth in that statement.

We didn’t have hardly a clue about anything. Not how to run a household, plan a menu, calculate the time to go to the laundromat, much less how to juggle ministry with work and personal life. Though I did know how to reconcile a checkbook (old-style paper register), we didn’t know how make a budget and there never seemed to be any savings. We did learn how to pray in money when things got tight, and at just the time my pantry was empty, people would take us to dinner. But for the grace of God … 

You don’t know what you don’t know!

It would take volumes to list the things I didn’t know, and I will spare you that here. However, what I did know, and am still well aware of is, my place in life, Second. I am quite comfortable with this position. I know exactly where I am safe and secure. An understanding of a well-established priority of relationships affords stability, much like the “pecking order” in a hen house or recognition of the “Alpha” in a herd of horses. Or think, flowchart of responsibilities. Someone needs to be in charge! The buck has to stop somewhere.

Early on I grasped the concept of being a “help-meet” (KJV terminology). This takes “stand by your man” to a whole different level! It’s easy for me to see that this carried over into my work-world and it’s not a surprise that I was a professional administrative assistant. My role was to support and assist another’s business pans.  

I have the privilege of helping my guy’s dreams come true. I married a visionary and dreamer. Dreams are never in short supply in our house. We dream big, and we dream together! Collective and collaborative dreaming is the BEST! All the while, I’m constantly encouraged to follow my dreams too.

Back to my secure and safe place – it is second. The only place I feel completely secure is when David has me in second place. By that I mean, his relationship to Christ takes priority over ours. I have come to trust this over the years. If ever for a moment David elevated me to “First Place”, our house would begin to crumble. When Christ is first, our dreams, plans, desires, journeys and adventures are secure. If I were ever to place David in first place, it would be disastrous. That is way too big of a burden to lay on any man!

Not 3rd, 4th or anywhere else!

SECOND, not third or fourth, is my safe place. I never had to wonder where I was in the pecking order of kids, ministry, church or work. For a pastor’s wife the line can get a bit fuzzy when considering if God’s work (ministry) should be prioritized over me or our family.  Even in the busiest times of life, with activities filling every night on the calendar, kids in school, work demanding attention, never have I ever wondered if my place was secure! I know where I’m supposed to be, where it is safe, secure and where I am loved and appreciated.

Of course, in every life, things can get out of balance (much like the current state of affairs with my washing machine ARGH!) Times come and go that are kid heavy and/or ministry encroaches. When life makes the whonky sound, slamming from one side to the other, it’s time to press the pause button and realign the stuff (again, the washing machine!)

For me, the priority list goes like this: Christ, David, Family, Ministry, Work. In any other order, I feel insecure, and those around me sense they are on shaky ground. It is up to me to keep these things in check. I have been asked “How can you (fill in the blank)?” Or “What about (fill in the blank)­?” Over the years I’ve maneuvered life because my foundation is strong, I know my place, I am focused on being where I’m supposed to be, when I’m supposed to be there and second is my safe zone.

When life gets “whonky”.

Plenty of times I’ve been tempted to put family in the slot above David, or to put ministry above family, or let work get in the wrong spot. But when I do, life quickly gets to be too much. If ministry takes the lead, I’m out of sync with God’s will and not able to be of help to anyone.  

When David and I both have each other in second place, we fulfill God’s design for our family. He is the head of our house AND we walk side by side and hand in hand. He lives the example of Christ’s love for the church right in front of me everyday! Millions of times I’ve seen David give me his life, lay down his desires, sacrifice his time for love. Love for Jesus and love for me.

I will lay my head down tonight, grateful for what is behind us and excited about what lies in front of us, knowing that I am loved by my husband in the same fashion and measure that Christ loves the church.

I am blessed beyond words because I am Second!

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Until next time…